the memoir of losing my flip flop

When I was a kid my dad used to bring me to a jetty located at the tip of peninsular Malaysia in Pontian Johor. We would go there almost every evening when the weather is calm and bright.
As a 4 years old kid I remember the sound of waves hitting the rocks, the cry of seabirds flying in the sky and the smell of the jetty- salty water and fish all over. It was a small jetty surrounded with seafood restaurants, kelongs and tug boats.
There was a small island called Pulau Pisang (if my memory serves me right) just across the small fishing village and you could get to the Indonesian Pulau Batam by using ferry with reasonable fare.

So there I stood on the edge of the jetty bracing the bar that separates ground and sea. Soft breeze slapped my face and I enjoyed the picturesque scenery of a fishing village.

I would stood there watching tug boats and ferries sailing to and fro while licking lollipops or whistling randomly to unspecific tune. One of my feet extended beyond the edge playing with the air whilst several meters below was the green sea.

I would do as such unnoticed that the flip-flop has loosened a bit off my feet. It hung dangling till it suddenly slipped off my feet into the sea causing a small ripple out of the calm water. I gasped with my both hands on my mouth as I watched it wobbling on the surface. It rocked and moved back and forth due to the waves as it distanced. It was impossible to get it back.

My flip flop has started its own journey across the sea and it did not bid good bye to me.

That night I have difficulty to sleep on my bed. It was my first time of losing. For a 4 years old kid who never lose anything before in his life that kind of losing really made him think and wonder. The flip flop was regarded as my own companion who was always there with me through thick and thin. A sudden detachment still inflicted a broken heart All sorts of question about the fate of the flip flop rummaged through my head just to find no answers. The harder I think the more likely I yawn and the easier for me to doze off but the questions stuck in my head for several years to come.

Am I normal?

I was once had problem sleeping at night. This happened few years back when I was still in college doing A-Level and it lingered for half a year. Though I had a bizarre behaviour of disliking sleep but due to human nature I could not help myself but to succumb to my biological needs.
It dreaded me anyway because I dont have enough sleep at night and have to wake up early in the morning to attend class. The only time I could sleep soundly (though not much) is in the afternoon.
I have no answer why it happened to me because I never consult with a doctor or psychologist for a proper analysis.
However I eventually recovered from the "sickness" a month shy of my A-Level exam.

Along the journey of recovery I have tried a lot of method to fix my biological clock and only one works best for me.

It is by fantasizing a role-playing game in which I am the assassin involved in a plot of killing his enemies. The scene is usually set in Iraq (or desert).
By doing this I will doze off in 5-10 minutes.

In reality I never hold a grudge against someone. Even if I am angry with someone I am sure it never reach to the thought of harming, let alone killing him/her.

Is this some sort of dual personality or something?
Psychologist help!!

The Kaninchen question

As several people asked about the meaning of "Kaninchen" I would answer it here in my blog.
Kaninchen is actually "rabbit" in german (which in grammatically correct Deutsch is Das Kaninchen).
The term derived from my beloved Deutsche Mama letter to me which addressed me as
Das Versuchskaninchen.

Das Versuchskaninchen means guinea-pig or in my case, someone who volunteered for experiment (I volunteered as her german lessons experiment). However it would be quite lengthy to write Das Versuchskaninchen and people who never learn german will have a chance of 99% (I guarantee) to incorrectly pronounce the word.

So I remove versuchs and adopt Kaninchen (Ka-Nin-tion) instead as my pseudonym.

It is catchy and fresh and Deutsch (credit goes to Mama Steffi)